Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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