And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
