This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
