Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
