i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
