I puked a lego.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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