I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
