Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
