trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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