Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
