It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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