Life is so much better after having sex.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
