The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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