What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
