do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
