so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So much rum. So many feels.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
