i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
