I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
