Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
