i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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