did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
