I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
