I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
