I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
