does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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