This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
