apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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