just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
