she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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