I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
