Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
