You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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