Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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