My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Someone signed my nipple.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
