We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
