Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
