Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
