yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
