Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
