Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
