We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
