I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
