bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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