i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
