i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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