Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I cannot find my penis.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
