I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
