Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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