and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
