i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
