I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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