I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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