Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
