i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
