Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
