She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
