Non-Jews are for practice
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
