I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
