just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
