If i come over, it means nothing
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
