a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
