I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
