My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
