She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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