Kiss
Puke
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
